Saturday, April 30, 2005

Rehashing for the second time around

I have to admit that this is the same thing I stressed over when I left Jacksonville. I had to leave Jon behind with my ex-wife and the problems they were having. It is not like I had any choice in the matter. I was still active duty and the place they transfered me to was over a thousand miles from him.

Even though my ex-wife had called me no less than three times to say "I can't take this anymore" or that she could not handle him anymore, I never was able to get custody. Every time I said, "No problem. We can take him as soon as possible". Then (inevitably), she would start to realize that not only would her troubles be over, but she would lose $1,200 to $1,500 a month. I know in my heart, that is the reason she always seemed to overcome any problems with Jon. Not because she tried harder, he tried harder, or things got better overnight. She just got it in her head that she would lose money.

I never thought about putting a price on somes life. I didn't have to make this terrible idea up. It was in front of my face all along. I didn't ever realize it until last night. I would say that the feeling of "falling off the turnip truck" would not cover that sinking feeling I had at the moment of realization, but it is close.

I used to worry that if I wrote something here, My family, son or inlaws would read it. I am pretty sure that does not happen. I have been keeping track of who views my blog via my sitemeter. Nothing In Jacksonville or California appears to ever register. Thus, I am writing for me. At least I have things off my chest.


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