Today, I have to go work in the Trim at Queensgate, where I run locomotives with remote control boxes. Not that I like the job. It is in the Trim and I can't take much more of that. The constant freakout when ever a tank car rolls by or I have to even walk by one. It is disheartening to know that I have to work in a place where I am completely terrified of my surroundings.
I have worked in some really scary places. A foundry where I poured steel with my bare hands. I have worked on nuclear reactors on submarines. Been inside a massive (and I mean really friggin' big) crane working on the cables as the crane is moving. Those are the ones I can talk about. There are more I can't which were even scarier. I was not even afraid of those things because I took precautions to make sure I was working safe. Sure, I could have died at any moment doing any of those jobs. The part that is pathetic is that I am now absolutly freaked out anytime get net a railroad tank car. It just makes me shake.
I have dreams about leaking acid cars which are so bad I wake up in a sweat and can't go back to sleep till the next day (maybe). This is one of those scary-ass things taht no one talks about with anyone. I think that I would appear weak and fragile if that happened. But, it has literally screwed up my life. I can't talk about it any more now. I have to go to work.
